I guess the part that frightens me is that there must be a market for this kind of work.

What kind of work that is I have no idea. But here are some faux celebs available for hire:

• Hulk Hogan — Someone should put a submission hold on his career
• Jessie Ventura — Shock the world by paying this man money
• Austin Powers — I call it "Mini Career"
• Al Gore — How much talent does it take to impersonate an ironing board?
• Sean Connery — The Hunt for a Gig By October
• Prince Charles — Also does a killer Dumbo
• Britney Spears — Oops! It's Another Mall Appearance
• Janis Joplin — Drug overdose extra

* Frequently asked questions about living barefoot, includes:

• What about public restrooms, i.e., urine?
• What can I say to passers-by if they make a comment?

* Picture index of adults sucking their thumbs — This might inspire me to stop surfing the Internet for 20 years.

Anne, a 22-year-old from Louisiana, confesses her thumb-sucking addiction. There is help, woman.

* With the Britney Spears Song Generator, you, too, can compose a No. 1 hit in less than 60 seconds.

* The Brazilian Bartender claims to do the "hoop dance," yet remains "very single." Talk about beating the odds.

* Vote on the worst job in America — None of the candidates are celebrity impersonators. Yet.

* The Corey Haim Fanzine — The webmaster is totally sincere about her (please tell me it's a her) devotion to Corey.

* The 49ers Haters Society posted a lengthy (make that disturbingly lengthy) argument as to why the 49ers have no right to be labeled the NFL's most successful franchise.

* I don't mean to insinuate that the Movies of the Eighties has little credibility, but "Spaceballs" does lead the Plot category with a perfect 5.0 score.

* Don't forget to consult the Official Rock, Paper, Scissors Strategy Guide the next time you're deciding on a business model for Internet profitability.

* Worm pulled from women's brain — Also found: a sinker and two lures.

* Actor who played Tackleberry dies — Might halt filming of "Police Academy 43: Operation Straight to Video."

* Pilot fired for throwing nuts at boss — Couldn't he have just laid them on his boss' head when he dozed off?

* Mighty Mo's Massive Hooters Page features some of the best-looking servers of chicken wings in the country.

* Fitness model Kim Hartt watches her figure. Now you can, too.

* Flip through Sandee Westgate's portfolio is something to check out the next time you're bored at work.

* Mr. G's Bikini Babes features hot women and a friggin' annoying embedded .midi file.

* Maria bills herself as America's sexiest snake babe. As if there was any competition.

* Britney Spears' Pepsi videos.