Nassau Bar is the only place where I'm tempted to order milk

This bikini looks to be about Dani's size

Dale Earnhardt: 1951-2001

This is more exciting football than the NFL?

Olajuwon denies Jordan, who didn't come close to soaring above the level of his contemporaries like Jim Brown, Babe Ruth or Wilt Chamberlain

Reason No. 437 that New York is the greatest city in the world:

The lady to the left, Dani, a bartender at Nassau Bar (118 Nassau Street) and the most-downloaded woman at New York City Bartenders and Patrons, will be celebrating her birthday Tuesday, Feb. 20, and she has promised to wear any item of clothing that fans bring in to her.

Allow me to make this perfectly clear:

1. The bartenders' wardrobe at Nassau Bar ranges from string bikinis to lingerie.
2. Dani looks like this in see-through lingerie.
3. Beers are a scant $4.
4. Dani assured me that homemade bikinis are welcome.

OK, if you live in New York and don't come out that night, get yourself a sex change. I even got a Get Out of the Doghouse card in advance from my girlfriend, so you should have no excuse.

For more info, e-mail me.

If you're reading this after Tuesday, e-mail me for a recap and photos.

SPEAKING OF HOMEMADE BIKINIS...

You know, sometimes you can perform a simple search on Yahoo! and really hit the jackpot.

* How to make a homemade metal bikini

* Tons of homemade bikini contest photos. (Check out that Van Halen-related domain. I can't believe those aren't all scooped up.)

* Homemade bikini contest photos from Key West (my all-time favorite spring break spot)

* Contest photos from Sam's Boat over the Labor Day Weekend (wherever the hell that is)

* Contest photos from Wild Woody's Chill & Grill (must be next to Sam's Boat)

TRAGEDY AT DAYTONA

I am far from being a NASCAR fan. Living in Manhattan, I rarely ride in a car not painted yellow. But it was truly saddening to hear of the death of Dale Earnhardt, who died as a result of a crash in the final lap of the Daytona 500.

The news is saddening not only because of the loss of Earnhardt, but because carnage at race tracks will continue. There have been 27 racing-related deaths at Daytona International Speedway since the track opened in 1959. I hope its worth it, though that's not for me to decide.

I can't think of a sportsman of this magnitude who lost his life so suddenly. I am reminded of the plane accident that claimed Thurman Munson, but Earnhardt was much more of a national figure.

A SPORT A WISH WOULD DIE

Let's face it: The XFL sucks.

Let me count the ways:

1. Over-promotional, hyperbolic, patronizing announcers
2. Analyst Brian Bosworth, who was suspended during his career for taking performance-enhancing drugs (this is known as cheating)
3. The play is sloppier than a set of bags on a 90-year-old BINGO champ
4. The players are rude. The fans are rude.

Pleasing, yet not surprising, news: XFL viewership has fallen below what sponsors were promised.

Disgusting, yet not surprising, news: A paraplegic was hurt when a nearby fight spilled over in the stands of an XFL game.

I think the XFL is almost as overrated as Michael Jordan, who I still can't believe was named ESPN's No. 1 SportsCentury athlete. A bunch of photos of Jordan getting his ass whooped on the court made me laugh.

Go play some sports that are really fun at Romp, like Bitchslapping the Wassup Guys. Another fun game is the Pink Slip Panic, where you can play a dot-com CEO and hand out pink slips with blood-inducing force.

TATTOOS ON TA-TAS

I got an e-mail with this subject line: "What's better than tattoos? Breasts with tattoos. Check it out."

OK, what are the odds I wasn't going to check that out? After almost puking at the site of tattooed biker dudes, I found these pages at The Vanishing Tattoo.

* When tattoos look good on a woman

* When tattoos don't look good on a woman

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GO TO LAW SCHOOL

Imagine busting your ass in law school and getting handed the duty of bugging some independent Web site and begging them to take down content. I love it when sites post letters from lawyers that deserve total ignorance.

* A bunch of legal letters to rotten.com

* BootySmack gets hassled about a freakin' toy elephant offer

* Eckerd refuses to develop photos for Show Us Your Worldwide Butt! (see the butts)

* Legal tips for your "sucks" site

MORE HOT BODY CONTESTS

In case I didn't already provide enough links to ladies willing to show off what their mammas gave them:

* Miss Net contest

* 1998 Miss Killian's contest

* Miss Hawaiian Tropic contest (see 1999 finalists)

* Miss Sturgis contest (1999 and 2000)

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