Joe Bob Briggs — movie connoisseur... critic ... pervert

Dude, I thought you told the pilot to drop us in an empty field

No, you're not showing too much for a formal dinner

Howdy, mammaries

Disclaimer:
PaulKatcher.com is intended for immature audiences who are 18 and over, except for people who are really old, like 70 or something.

If you're 16 or 17, I guess that's OK, too. Just don't rat me out to mom and dad after they catch you looking at pictures of girls, which I NEVER did when I was 16.

If you're 13-15, you've probably seen some cool kids in your neighborhood lighting up sticks of paper stuffed with tobacco. You should join them. It's good for you.

Haven't you learned anything from MTV?

My friends and I were laughing about the early '80s movie "They Call Me Bruce?" the other night, so I had to see if the supposed kung fu expert lived online. Sure enough, I was able to find this certain low-demand movie poster and a ton of funny quotes from the movie.

I love this one:

Street Thug: "I can kick your ass any day of the week."
Bruce: "Kick my ass any day? I¹m busy all week."

My search landed me at former Movie Channel staple Joe Bob Briggs' Ultimate B-Movie Guide. This guy tallied the number of dead bodies and exposed breasts in any movie that went straight to video. And he was a big influence during my teenage years.

Check out his review of Hard Ticket to Hawaii, which came out when I was 14 and was also a big influence during my teenage years. At least in terms of learning about the human anatomy.

BORED AT WORK?

If you're sitting around a dot-com office waiting for the pink slip to come, why not skip some work duty and play some games?

Slip on some Cooties Bar X-Ray Glasses and see what others can't at a cheesy watering hole.

Kill N'Sync heartthrob Justin Timberlake at his mansion.

Allot money to panhandlers based on the effectiveness of their pleas.

View some Pets.com outtakes from our favorite commercials of a dot-com casualty.

THE BEST I'VE SEEN THIS WEEK

I don't know how I end up at these sites. I just do.

I stumbled upon this studly college student's home page, and I cannot decide whether I think he's serious or if it's an A Night at the Roxbury tribute.

Some guys read newspapers in the bathroom. I'd rather read the walls. Here are some pictures of and quotations of restroom graffiti.

For some reason, this guy built a page to let the world know he committed the greatest crime known to man. He failed to take quality pictures of a wet t-shirt contest.

There's an entire Yahoo! club devoted to pictures of sportsmen losing their pants. Some hobby.

Everybody enjoys a good look at photo galleries of people who really shouldn't have drank so much.

Real letters from the media wanting to befriend the Unibomber in order to secure an interview.

Lots of disturbing photos from accidents, which I don't enjoy, but I know some of you freaks do.

MAXIM-UM LINKS

Each month, Maxim shares with its readers around 30 URLs to sites that pretty much fit my M.O. Sometimes the links are rather common, like AmIHotorNot, but I found three good ones this month, and I'll credit the magazine for having turned me on to them. Now if they'd only make a Web site that didn't mirror the damn magazine exactly.

• A seat cushion that soaks up fart smell. At $40, I find it a little pricey. But I wouldn't be surprised if at least three people buy me this for my birthday later this month.

• The iBrator — for when your boss needs an orgasm in five minutes.

• Send free, anonymous e-mail to your friends, telling them about their annoying problems.

NEWS YOU CAN LOSE

Ugly-as-sin Survivor castoff Debb to marry stepson.

PaulKatcher.com ranks No. 2 on AOL's search engine for "wheelchair porno" and No. 3 for "midgets naked." I have neither on this site, but maybe I should get some.

ALL RIGHT, HERE'S SOME CHICKS

You know, the Super Bowl really sucked, with my Giants getting run over. Then I found some pre-game pics of Jillian Barberie wearing shoulder pads as a shirt, and I was happy again. There's also an interview with her.

Ana Claudia Michels gallery. (She's the woman in red on your left.)

Kylie Bax gallery. (She's the girl who's on the cover of the Playboy that better be delivered to me soon.)

Bunch of chicks from the humorous and well-built Romp.com.

Leann Tweeden in lingerie.

Job openings at Red Hot Divas.

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