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Nov. 13, 2000 (archive)

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Abuse Jeeves!    Nov. 13, 2000 — 9:48 p.m. ET

scotty schwartz
If you could piss in the woods at will, why would you use a public urinal?

Since its inception, I thought AskJeeves! was a pretty crappy search engine. I mean, why would a flaming butler be any more adept at finding relevant information on the Web than the spiders that bring up porn sites for every possible query?

Well, the research staff at PaulKatcher.com put Jeeves to the test to find out if he knew the elusive answers to life's most puzzling questions.

(All you college kids coming here for pictures of naked chicks, feel free to use this information in your term papers.)
Questions I asked Jeeves (click on link for the moron's answers)

What's heavier, a pound of steel or a pound of urine?

If your wife was offered a million dollars to have sex with Sam the Eagle from the Muppets, would you like her do it?

Who's dumber, a week-old baboon or a resident of Palm Beach County?

Where can I find a hooker with teeth for less than $50?

Who is the asshole who invented the bra and ruined things for men?

Does Britney Spears' mom let her dress like a slut because she makes lots of money?

Why was Hardbodies II screwed out of the Oscar it deserved?

 

What makes you think a know-nothing butler could sustain a profitable Web site?

Who kisses better, your sister or your dad?

If you could give yourself oral sex, would you leave the house?

When you play baseball with gay men, do you prefer to pitch or catch?

Why don't we kick states like Alabama the fuck out of this country?

What percentage of male tourists come back from Tiawana without VD?

Is it a coincidence that backyard wrestling is popular only in Southern states?

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